Cry for you

I'm sorry for the way i've acted. For my selfish ambitions, desires, and fulfillment. I'd said that I would live for you, that i would die for you. But did i? have i died to my self? it seems as if were not the case. I'm sorry for not being a good steward for what you've giving me, where you've placed me in my life. instead i look for ways to satisfied myself, and when i needed relief, i turn to other sources. I'm sorry for the way that i brought my friends down to my level. we've caused ourselves to stumble instead of strengthening one another. What am I? that i am to influence those around me? There is no requirement for your love, but you ask for perfection. A constant struggle is within my heart, to be true to myself yet be true to you. Every time i repent there's a chip off my shoulder, can i get clean again? can we get clean again? I feel too weak, the road seems too hard. In the end, how much does all these matter anyways? I understand why we have to strive for perfection, but why does it have to be so damn hard? God. I seek you. I need you, fear you, love you, annoyed by you, honor you, search you, glorify you, unfaithful to you, and overwhelmed by you. There is nothing else i think about in my mind, nothing else that matters in my heart. I think about you all the time, all the time. where is the balance? am i losing focus? if the rules don't matter, then why do we focus so much on it? am i doing it right? half right? If this is the next step then i don't know if i'm ready for it, but you know do. of course you do... and it's happening. You are pure and righteous, always faithful even in the times when we are not. so help me, strengthen me, that i cast my life on you, i know that i cannot keep it all together. It's all happening too fast. you're taking me farther than i wanted to go. but i will go, for you have not fail me before and i know you will not fail me now.