Tuesday Rant!

10:35pm
Ahhhhhh! stupid Scappoose Police... SCAP-POOOOSE! seriously, what kind of name is that anyways? Stupid. Drove all the way to Clatskanie only to get a speeding tix for $211! two-one-one?? for going 46 in 35? man, damn that inflation. I don't even think i was in the 35 speed zone... hmm.. i'm gonna fight for this one. yep. not guilty all the way. i'll see you in court Officer Pixley.

2:05pm
I'm peed a little inside my pants today... i felt wetness on my right knee. it didn't drip down or anything, so at least it wasn't that much. yay...

10am-11pm
Got nothing accomplished! didn't pick up a check, sat down w/ a millionaire and didn't do any business, got no-showed by a multi-millionaire 'cause his mom's got cancer... AHHHH! why can't the world just focus on me! i mean, come on really... is that too much to ask for?

Tomorrow's LOVER's DAY!!! yayyyyyy, i'm so happy. I love Lovers Day. It's the best. I planned on being in the office at 9am, going to salem for appt at 2pm, drive back during rush-hour just so that i can make it back in the office in time to be on the phones for the rest of the night... till 9pm. I love it. love it so much that i spent the only one hour of free time i had today on craiglist. checking out the relationship ads and all the fun jazz. YAY!

There's some weird and messed up stuff on craigslist.



according to the great-wise-one, the name Scappoose came from a philistine named Pixley years ago who had this scab that was hanging loosely on the tip of his left nipple for many many years due to a freak accident at the cow farm. And strangely, as years went on this scab grew and eventually expended to the edge of his right nipple, thus covering his whole chest area in a horrifying feast of loosely scab which attracts many many flies and other stupid insects.

Then one day... glory fell from above as Pixley was knocked down by a shemale bull while mistakenly milking "her wonders". Out of 50% fury and 50% excitement, the shemale bull then crapped all over Pixley on his chest. Right in the middle of his cross-nipple scabs and killing all the flies in the process. Out of joy the philistine ran to town rejoicing and proclaiming that the shemale bull Pooped right in the middle of his Scab that was Loose.

The towns people, disgusted by the sight of a grown man running around with poop all over his insect buried chest while shouting out on the top of his lungs, threw rocks at Pixley and wrote him a $211 violation for smelling like crap. Pixley then died of a heart attack. From then on this place is known as Scappoose. In memory of a Philistine who had poop in the middle of his loosely scab.

scab-poop-loose = Scappoose

take that sucker.